bits of myself

we were supposed to close on our house today.  that’s been pushed to friday now. the entire first floor had to be restained and refinished.

tomorrow was supposed to be my final chemotherapy session.  now i have no idea what the end of my treatment looks like.  maybe two more cycles.  maybe imrt.

i’m on prednisone indefinitely to combat the bleomycin toxicity damage.  yesterday, my pulmonologist added bactrim three times a week to fight off any atypical pneumonias that steroid users are susceptible to.

the steroids have also swollen me to the size of a freshly cracked tube of cinnamon rolls.  poppin’ fresh would be proud.  none of my clothes fit.  i’m not trying to be all, “oh, woe is me, i’m so fat,” i’m just sayin’… i can’t open the closet and just get dressed anymore. it really makes for a bad start to the day. and spending money on fat clothes is really not something i was amped up for.

my feet are blistered and peeling.  my fingernails are falling off.  my teeth are getting really sensitive.  my joints hurt.  i’m tired all the time.  i’m overly emotional and can be generally unpleasant far too much of the time.  half of my hair is growing back, but it looks muppety and i plan to shave it off.  i am so beautiful. 

nugget has a cold. she’s been seen three times for it (mostly for my benefit) and is really just fine, but it makes me sad to see her sick, especially when there’s little i can do to comfort her.  at least she’s learning to cover her mouth when she coughs.

we drove up to northern virginia yesterday for a bunch of doctor appointments.  the plan was for nugget and me to go back to my parents’ last night, but i couldn’t make the drive.  so, we’ll try again this afternoon. wish us luck!

hopefully all will go smoothly at closing on friday and slowly but surely we’ll start making our way into our new home.  i know my treatment will be sorted out eventually, but it’s difficult to see the supposed, and most anticipated, end come and go.

i know, life’s like this.